Strategies for Bullying

By Hanna Bogen, M.S., CCC-SLPWhen hanging out with friends, we may joke, act silly, or sometimes tease one another.  While these actions can start out as playful, the teasing can sometimes become unfriendly and turn into bullying.  Knowing when you or a friend’s actions are turning into bullying behavior can be challenging.First, let's identify what bullying is.  Bullying is a social role that requires at least one other person in a victim role.  One takes on the bullying role any time he or she uses a position of power to cause someone else physical or emotional pain.  While everyone may occasionally find themselves in a bullying role at various points in their lives, some people consistently take on this role in social interactions, enjoying the sense of power and superiority their actions generate.If you are unsure if your actions are considered bullying, stop and ask yourself a few questions: Are my actions or words physically or emotionally hurting someone or making that person feel afraid?  Would I want someone else to do this to me?  Am I unfairly taking my anger out on someone? Am I trying to control someone against his or her will?Now that you know what bullying looks like, you can use the "Comeback and Redirect" strategy if you feel you are being bullied.  Bullying behavior is akin to the kindling of a fire.  Your response can either add fuel or extinguish that fire.  Often, ignoring bullying behavior, or reacting with anger and aggression, adds fuel to the fire.  The "Comeback and Redirect" strategy is a way to help extinguish the fire.  You can engage is this strategy by following the two steps below:1.    Reply with a comeback that shifts the “cool” scale in your favor.  Roll your eyes while sarcastically saying a verbal comeback like, “Good one,” “Oh, really?” or “W-O-W.”  People in the bullying role are typically aiming to overcome their own insecurity by highlighting yours, and a well-phrased comeback can stop this in its tracks.2.    Redirect the conversation to a neutral topic.  By putting out the fire, your goal is not to enter into the bullying role yourself.  As such, it’s important to follow your comeback with a redirection of the conversation to a safe topic to which you and the perpetrator can both relate.  For example, you might say, “That math test was hard, huh?” or “Is your family leaving town for the holidays?” Redirecting the conversation to an entirely new topic puts you in control to foster a safe, comfortable exchange.Role-playing the "Comeback and Redirect" strategy with family and friends makes it easier to determine the right comeback and redirection in the midst of a difficult situation.  You can also practice ways to support classmates and friends when you notice bullying behavior happening to them. The support of an upstander, rather than a bystander, can be critical for those being bullied, and we all have the power to offer that support.