By Lee-Anne Bloom, M.S., OTR/L, with Elizabeth Sautter, M.A., CCC-SLPAs an occupational therapist who focuses on supporting an individual's occupations, I am thrilled to work at Communication Works, where we support the whole person and an important job/occupation that he/she has-- to regulate, communicate and connect with others. Without the ability to self-regulate and achieve success with social communication, it's difficult to work in small groups, develop friendships, focus in class and perform other important life goals. My role at the Center is to encourage and foster healthy daily living skills (e.g., fine motor skills to complete daily tasks, routines), promote developmental milestones in fine and gross motor, and assist with the integration of sensory systems.I am privileged to work with some of the most passionate and skilled speech pathologists and social cognitive specialists around who are helping me widen my lenses in working with my clients. I have learned so much about social communication and implementing ideas, tools, and skills into my sessions.Recently I have been thinking about the art of conversation and how much is involved in small talk and keeping a conversation going. Let’s face it, jumping into a conversation can be difficult. You see people talking to each other and you want to join in, but you stop and re-consider. You may think, “Maybe they are talking about something private? Maybe they don’t want to talk to me? How can I become part of a conversation that’s in progress?Joining a conversation is complex and difficult for many people, but this social skill is especially tricky for many of the clients that we serve at Communication Works. Anxiety, not understanding hidden rules, challenges with perspective taking, difficulty with language processing, and uncomfortable physical, emotional, and/or sensory barriers all hinder the ability to engage in social situations. People who find it difficult to filter out auditory information may also find it challenging to know where to place their attention when several people are talking. If there’s a proprioceptive difficulty (not knowing where the body is in space), a person might get too close or not close enough to the speaker when trying to initiate a conversation. Or they might not pick up on the rhythm of the conversation if rhythm is not intuitive in the body.While thinking about all of this, the relationship between the rhythm of conversation and the rhythm of music enters my mind. As a trained and practicing DJ, I know a thing or two about rhythm. That’ s right… I’m a disk jockey and have been for 18 years. Practicing counting and moving my body to sync with the movement of the music has been helpful in finding the rhythms and patterns in other daily life skills and hearing auditory patterns (i.e., the rumble of a dryer, the sound of a fan or motor). Conversations have rhythm and tempo, too, with pauses and a back-and-forth dialogue that have to be listened to and taken into consideration. If we interrupt, hurry the pace, or don’t use the expected tone, pitch, and volume, the conversation will falter, just like music that is out of tune or not following the expected rhythm.Based on my background in music, I’m offering the following thoughts and suggestions to help break down conversational barriers and increase initiation, participation, and flow in conversation. I also encourage you to observe a DJ in action to understand more about rhythm and flow.1. Before jumping into a conversation, listen carefully to determine what is being talked about. Do not jump in with your agenda or an off topic comment that might be awkward. As a DJ, if I’m playing a groovy track everyone is dancing to, and then I throw on a slow country song that nobody knows, the people dancing will probably stop. The same thing can happen when someone jumps into a conversation talking about trains when the others were telling their silly cat stories.2. Pay attention to how long each person talks (e.g., one person says 1-2 sentences or they each tell a short story). To go back to my musical example, if that same country song that nobody knows goes on for 10 minutes, the people that were dancing aren’t just going to stop dancing; they’ll likely go someplace else. If a person comes into the conversation with a 10-minute monologue about trains, for example, the others in the conversation may leave.3. Wait your turn. As a DJ, I have to listen for the beat. Sometimes I count out loud to get the rhythm, “1, 2, 3, 4; 1, 2, 3, and 4.” I may tap my foot or move my body to the rhythm to get in sync with the music. I want the next song that I play to blend with the beat of the previous track. If I get the beat wrong and come in at the wrong time or choose a track that has a totally different rhythm, the two songs collide and it sounds like tennis shoes in the dryer (“ca-clunck, ca-clunck”). The same happens as people talk. Try to listen to the rhythm and jump in during a natural slowdown in the conversation.4. So now you want to join in. First, try and make eye contact with the speaker or others in the group. Proximity to the group is also crucial: stand in close enough to signal that you want to be part of the conversation, yet far enough to respect personal space. If I want my music heard I have to play it near enough to other people and loud enough to command attention. The same applies to joining a conversation.These techniques and strategies take practice! Converse with people in your natural environment any chance you get. Talk to the store clerk, your teacher, family friends, and schoolmates. With practice the rhythm and dance of conversation will become more fluent and fun.***What techniques for entering a conversation have worked for you? What has not worked? What aspects of social communication are the hardest? Leave a comment below and join in the conversation.

The Rhythm of Conversation

Proud to Be Part Of

Contact Us