Understanding The Value of "Special Time" With Your Child

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Mother and Daughter Reading Together

By Rebecca Schwartz, Ph.D.Young children crave “special time” with their parents.  What is “special time” and why is it so beneficial for you and your child?Our lives are packed with competing demands. At day’s end, we’re exhausted. Yet, there’s cooking, homework, dishes, laundry, and emails requiring attention. It’s easy to overlook treasured relationships. Just as a weekly date night is recommended with your partner, “special time” with your child at the beginning and end of each day will work wonders. Use this antidote twice daily for 15 to 20 minutes.How Do We Create “Special Time”? “Special time” works best by putting aside 15 to 20 minutes when you do nothing but play with your child. Ideally, this means that your child has your full attention; no cellphone, TV, or computer interruptions.  Your child chooses what she wants to do with you. You might make suggestions such as coloring, playing pretend with dolls, Legos, building blocks, arts and crafts. It’s important to go along with what your child initiates and build upon her ideas. The goal is for your child to be reassured about your delight and love for him, to focus on where he is at, to learn more about his interests and help expand his thinking. Play is a window into your child’s world. It can reveal struggles or worries your child might have. Remember that the very best learning happens within the context of a nurturing relationship.Why At The Beginning And End of Each Day? Think about “special time” as bookends on either side of your child’s day. “Special time” holds your child together for the day. It prepares your child for separating and transitioning from home to school and vice versa. “Special time” before school, satiates your child with you and hopefully is sufficient sustenance for the day. It’s recommended again when you return home. Do this first. Hold off on cooking and chores. These jobs will go more smoothly after “special time.” It helps your child reconnect with you, and prepares her for the separation and transition to bedtime.How Do We Deal With More Than One Child? If you have a partner, take turns. One parent plays with one child in the morning and then switch children in the evening. With more than two children, and/or if you don’t have a partner, alternate “special time” sessions so that each child has a fair turn with you. If done thoughtfully, play with siblings together also works.Why is “Special Time” Beneficial? If “special time” becomes predictable and reliable it will impact your child’s functioning and make your life easier. Your child will be less demanding and more easygoing.For more information: Engaging Autism: The Floortime Approach to Helping Children Relate, Communicate and Think, by Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. and Serena Wieder, Ph.D., 2003. Perseus Books.About the author:Dr. Rebecca Schwartz is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been working with children and their parents for over 20 years. Her private practice in Berkeley and San Francisco focuses on early intervention with children and their parents. In addition to working in infant mental health, she specializes in autistic spectrum disorders; attachment difficulties; social skill development; and school related issues. She has collaborated with CW over the last eight years. As a parent, she has combined her own parenting experiences and professional knowledge to develop a deeper understanding of the challenges of parenting and how particular parenting tools can ease this journey. Her passion is to use relationship-based therapy to enhance social and emotional growth in children and re-teach adults (parents, educators, and providers) how to play with abandon, which creates deeper intimacy and understanding of children.Rebecca Schwartz, Ph.D.Clinical Psychologist. | Adult, Adolescent, and Child Psychotherapy2434 Milvia St. Berkeley, CA 94704 | 672 Second Ave. San Francisco, CA 94118415-926-8979rebecschwartz@yahoo.comwww.rebeccaschwartzphd.com