Your Happy, Green Zone Holiday Starts Here!
Your Happy, Green Zone Holiday Starts Here
Many children struggle to understand the hidden rules and expectations when participating in holiday functions with their friends and families. Their routine has been disrupted and often times they must travel away from home. Plus, they must interact with family members or friends that they do not see very often. On top of all that, we are asking them to use their “social thinking” and think about how others are feeling or what they might be thinking.The Zones of Regulation program developed by Leah Kuypers, M.A., Ed., OTR/L is a wonderful resource for helping children learn strategies for self-regulation during the busy holiday season. The concept of The Zones of Regulation is used to help children categorize emotions or states of alertness into four colored zones: Blue Zone, Green Zone, Yellow Zone, and Red Zone. The Blue Zone is used to describe someone that feels sad, tired, or bored. The Green Zone is when a person is feeling in control, happy, calm, and focused. A person in the Yellow Zone is feeling stressed, excited, fearful, or silly. When someone has huge emotions or levels of alertness such as anger or extreme grief, they are in the Red Zone. While it is ideal to be in the Green Zone during class time or at the holiday dinner table, everyone experiences all of the zones during different times and social situations. It is expected to be in the Yellow Zone during recess or before getting on stage for the holiday performance. Most people are in the Blue Zone when they wake up and even the Red Zone if they get into a car accident or win the lottery. In social thinking groups, we talk about strategies for getting in the Green Zone to enjoy the holidays, while we are working on social expectations.11 Hints for Helping Your Child have a Fun, Flexible Holiday:
Post a visual schedule at home and make a mini-schedule for traveling. If there are any changes in the schedule, try to alert your child ahead of time and do some “social briefing” about what might be expected.
Try to keep at least one part of their day consistent such as a regular bedtime or a regular mealtime.
Let your child use an “I need a break” card when they feel like they are overwhelmed and need a quick escape. Your child could keep a small green pom-pom or a tiny green fidget ball (look in the party favor section at Target) in their pocket that they could hand you when they need help getting back in the Green Zone. You could also have a secret code that they can use, such as “Buddy the Elf”, when they need to take a break from the event. Sometimes they just need a few moments in a quiet space to regroup and then they may be able to rejoin the group.
Build in choices whenever possible to help your child feel more in control. This can be as simple as saying “pick which cup you want for your hot chocolate.”
A powerful, natural reward to focus on this season is working to make someone else feel good without the expectation of a prize reward. Let your child know when they are doing things that make us feel good or make others feel good. This is an important part of Michelle Garcia Winner’s Social Behavior Mapping (www.socialthinking.com). If you do what is expected, then I feel good and then I treat you well, which makes you feel good.
Get your child involved in the holiday event by giving them small jobs to do before the party and during the party. This would also be a good time to give them a reward for a job well done!
Think about your child’s sensory needs…
It’s okay to allow your child to wear something more comfortable to a party. If a family photo is in the mix, your child can do the fancy holiday attire for just a few minutes and then change back.
If all the hugs, kisses, and loud greeting overwhelm your child, allow them to wave or shake hands with people. If there is one special relative that may not understand your child’s sensitivities, perhaps you can practice a quick three-second hug saved just for grandma.
Have some quiet time each day. Allow for some transition time between activities. Practice mindful relaxing and breathing. Remember, it’s okay not to commit to every event.
Be sure to have at least one of your child’s favorite foods at the table. However, be sure to practice being mindful and using their social filter by not making hurtful comments about the smells or tastes of foods when they are with others.
Talk about events well in advance to ease anxiety. Books, social stories, pictures, and role-plays will help your child know more about the event and feel less in the Yellow Zone. I remember one student of mine that was very anxious about seeing The Nutcracker because she was afraid that the dancers might fall off the stage. We talked about the play and how the dancers had practiced a great deal and would most likely not fall into her lap even though they had front row tickets.
Role-play or write a social story about gift giving and receiving. Talk about what to do when we receive a gift we like or do not like as well as how to say thank you. This might call for a “social fake” if they do not like a gift that they receive. This is also a good time to teach your child about perspective taking and thinking about what type of gift a person might want. For example, a three-year-old boy would not want the same gift as a 16-year-old girl.
Help your child with making conversations with relatives and friends. You can practice some possible scripts for your child such as “I got a new Lego set, what did you get?”
Watch funny holiday movies together such as Elf. Laughter is a great way to stay in the Green Zone!
Mary Keiger is a guest blogger, colleague of CW, and Social Thinking Specialist. For more information, visit Mary's blog by clicking here and follow her on Pinterest by clicking here.